My Wife & Kids | Raincheck, please?

Being career driven is really scary in some ways.

What’s even scarier is being the last friend amongst your core friend group not in a serious commitment or having kids.

Raincheck, please. 

Sure — I know what you’re thinking, “You’re only 25, you’ve got a little time left,” but let me assure you, I’m not checking for not one person who is checking for me.

I’m always seen as the carefree one. But in all honesty, I worry. A LOT. About everything. 67% of my time is spent in my head, worrying.

The one who can just pick up and go, and that’s how I like it. However, with the recent influx in celebrities sharing their experiences with difficulties conceiving children and starting families because they put their career first (Tyra Banks, Gabrielle Union), it’s becoming difficult to decipher if my decision to be career driven only is the right thing for me.

While many articles lead one to believe that millennials aren’t getting married, or having children,  my friend circle seems opposite.

With social media showing the family structure that I lack as a single, millennial career driven woman, I sometimes find myself wanting what they seemingly have.

It’s nice to be able to confide in friends, but the holidays are coming and the questions have seemed to shift from questions about starting a family and settling down, to how my career and my goals are working out?
While I would much rather be questioned about my work life over my failing love life, I can’t help but to consider if choosing to put my career first now will risk me missing out on something later.

(Sure many people will say let it be in God’s hands what happens) However, I have to disagree. I have control issues. I have to be able to feel comfortable in every situation I put myself into. I even had total control over moving and “starting a new life”.

I have women role models, and the main role model in my life is single, retired, and childless. She lives an amazing life but it seems, lonely.

I often wonder what if I had the child back in 2010, or if I stayed in Cincinnati and chose not to pursue my career goals.

How would my life be altered by my decision-making?

I could have been a mother of two childrenhowever, even with all my control issues, the timing, circumstances and partners..

I wasn’t as passionate about motherhood, as I am about being successful.

I am in no way saying women who have children my age aren’t and won’t be successful; but I have a different kind of drive that I personally can’t see myself being able to juggle both simultaneously. What works for others won’t necessarily work for me.

All my life’s decisions have been calculated for a better me.

Will I forever be the single, childless millennial?

Maybe not, but will I always be driven by the craving of success? Yes.

I’ve found that my biggest life barrier is fear.

I come from a single parent home, and seeing and hearing the stories of how my mother struggled to raise 4 children with cancer SCARES me to my core. 

I want to be better than where I come from.

I want to be more resourceful, more vigilant, more determined, more inspired.

I want to be more than I can imagine and others can imagine of me. 

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